Ad Astra
Apathy

What do you do with you life when you just don’t care?

Love

My oldest brother called me today,
Asking for relationship advice.

Some bitch kicked his heart in the ass.

She was there for him through Army Ranger training, and 3 deployments
to the Middle East: Sending letters, books, and goodies.

Then she blindsided him.
Left him in the dark.
She couldn’t wait forever, she said.
She found a nice guy who works at Game Stop, she said.

None of it makes sense.

I want to fix all the problems, make things right.

Life sucks sometimes.

Sleep deprived

I’m too tired to sleep and
even my dreams are tired
I wish I were in a warm
Winter cabin in Vermont, or
A duke’s castle in Wales,
But I’m here.
Tired and wondering things like
“Why don’t humans use their wings?”
Or
“What’s it like to be in a bait bowl?”
Or
“Who’s loving you?”

I’m just so tired.

Romance With Your Best Friend

Me - “I thought about doing a sexy strip tease but figured I would probably trip and fall.”
Him - “Yeah, I thought about that too and arrived at the same conclusion.”

Palms to Heaven, Partner

My mom said something
Odd to me today.
“You’re the toughest cowboy
In town.
And people
Won’t admit it,
But
They need you around.”

It was a nice thing to hear.
Encouraging, reassuring,
and all that good shit.

I pictured myself
In a ghost town somewhere
In a god-forsaken
Kinda place with
My rifle and pony.

I had spurs and a nice wide-brim
Hat to shade the sun.
I had a sheriff’s star pinned
Bright and shiny on my chest.

It’s too bad I spend so much time writing.
Who knows what else
I could’ve done with my life.

-rr

Writer’s Block

It’s like trying to see the stars,

but there are clouds.

It’s like going in for the kiss,

but missing.

It’s like calling your best friend,

but they don’t answer.

It’s like going on vacation,

but it rains the whole time.

It’s like trying to load a kitten video on youtube,

but the internet connection is too slow,

It’s like I’ve lost knowledge of the English language all together.

And I hate it.

-rr

jamesnord:

Went to a party at a suite at the Chateau Marmont when I was in LA. Perched on the bottom of the Hollywood Hills you could sip your drink and turn left and right to look down Sunset Blvd, it’s a great place for a cocktail party, but then it wasn’t. 
Los Angeles, like most cities, takes on the personality of it’s main industry. New York is as brash and cutthroat as Wall St, DC is as slimy and slow as our government and In this case, the film industry leaves a film of lies and make-believe on everything. The effect is strange. Here I am, sipping a real drink, with real people and yet it feels anything but real. The 30-somethings look desperate, the place feels like a set, and the music seems sadder than it should be. 
It’s not that people in LA don’t know how to have fun, it’s just on that balcony, in that suite and in that town the individuality of youth was dead, replaced instead by the idea of youth, at the idea of a party. 
On my way out, I proposed a toast to a group of strangers, they declined, swirling their perfect manicures around champagne flutes held just so.
They looked perfect.
I had to leave. 

jamesnord:

Went to a party at a suite at the Chateau Marmont when I was in LA. Perched on the bottom of the Hollywood Hills you could sip your drink and turn left and right to look down Sunset Blvd, it’s a great place for a cocktail party, but then it wasn’t. 

Los Angeles, like most cities, takes on the personality of it’s main industry. New York is as brash and cutthroat as Wall St, DC is as slimy and slow as our government and In this case, the film industry leaves a film of lies and make-believe on everything. The effect is strange. Here I am, sipping a real drink, with real people and yet it feels anything but real. The 30-somethings look desperate, the place feels like a set, and the music seems sadder than it should be. 

It’s not that people in LA don’t know how to have fun, it’s just on that balcony, in that suite and in that town the individuality of youth was dead, replaced instead by the idea of youth, at the idea of a party. 

On my way out, I proposed a toast to a group of strangers, they declined, swirling their perfect manicures around champagne flutes held just so.

They looked perfect.

I had to leave. 

Dark Days

I never write during the day,
anymore.
When the sun’s up and
things are fresh and
new and okay.

I can only write now
when the night is heavy and
even the stars are asleep and
the worst nightmares become friendly.

-rr

It’s One in the Morning and I’m Writing Nonsense

Today, I was watching someone walking and they were texting or something and there’s a crack in the sidewalk but of course they don’t see it and I know they’re going to trip but I didn’t warn them because I secretly wanted them to trip and then when they finally stumbled and look around nervously to see if anyone saw the embarrassing blunder, they make eye contact with me for a second and I gave a slight nod like
Fuck yeah, I saw it.
-rr

He’s kindof just kindof

He’s kindof sweet,
I know he is.
He’ll start a conversation via
texting and will stop responding
because he’s afraid
I’ll stop responding first.
So the next morning he can say
“Sorry, I fell asleep!”
and start another conversation
Without any rejection.
He’s kindof sweet,
I know him too well.
He has a girl friend but
He still calls me
Beautiful
Gorgeous
Lovely.
I appreciate it but it feels
dishonest.
He’s kindof attractive too.
Green eyes and dark hair.
When he laughs,
It’s always real and
Somehow
You always laugh too.
And it’s real.
He’s kindof attractive.
Strong arms and soft hands.
He knows what he’s doing and how to use them.
Or so he’s told me.
It all just seems
kindof
dishonest.

-rr